Annoying the crap out of Edward
by Pyro-Destroyer9977
Summary: What happens when Alice gets people to help her prank Edaward? Will it work? Will it fail? Why am I talking like this? Rated T for language.
1. The things he loves 1

Disclaimer: Don't own Twilight blah, blah, blah.

Post BD

_Annoying the crap out of Edward Cullen_

Chapter 1: The Things he Love (part 1)

APOV (visions in Italics)

_Edward's pacing around a smoldering heaps of scrap metal, swearing incoherently while dry sobbing. _I grinned evilly at the wonderful combinations on how to do this. Since Edward's out hunting, I have plenty of time to figure out how.

JPOV

I suddenly got hit with a huge wave of malice. I started running to the door, but I saw my wife looking up with the evil glint in her eye I know too well. "What now?" I asked.

"Why have none of our pranks on Edward worked?"

"I'll go get Bella." This might actually be fun. Partly because we'll all have to blame Emmett.

BPOV

"BELLA!" I heard Jasper yell. He then appeared in my doorway. "How would you like to prank Edward?"

"It depends on a few variables. Like, what does it involve, and what I get out of it." I said.

"Luxury cruise?

"No."

"Test of Edward's love?"

"Better, but no."

"Alice won't take you shopping or give you makeovers for a month?"

"DEAL!" That was the high part of my day. There was something that sounded strangely like a screamed no downstairs, followed by Jasper jumping out of my window. Alice then came up here not sad, but more of extremely furious.

"I"LL KILL HIM!" she yelled. I would've given her a few minutes to calm down, but after a few seconds she seemed extremely content. "Bella," she said," will you shield me and Jasper while we blow up his cars?"

"Will he get new ones?"

"Maybe, but about that no shopping or makeover thing-"

"Jasper offered it, blame him."

"Great idea! I'll go get my crowbar!"

"That's not what I-" but before I could finish, she was out of my room, probably getting her crowbar.

I then wondered if I would ever need a beating Edward crowbar, and decided that blowing up his cars would be good enough.

--

_Yeah, I know, not very good, but It's a start. Anyway please review. Any flames will get deleted._


	2. The Things he Loves 2

Disclaimer: Seriously, no one on this site owns Twilight

Annoying the crap out of Edward

Chapter 2: the things he loves part 2

APOV

Bella said she was shielding us, so Jasper and I went to work. Jasper took the Vanquish, and I took the Volvo. I drove the car over to a field and put the bomb in. I went back to the house and waited for Jasper.

JPOV

I ran back to the house after I planted the hot car. Alice decided that it would be more fun if we used a cartoon TNT detonator, and that Edward would push down.

EPOV

"Hello, everyone," I said cheerfully. I managed to get three lions during hunting. How could I not be cheerful? "What's with the detonator?"

"We have no idea." Alice said. "We thought that you should be the one to press it to see what will blow up." I smell a rat. Bella was shielding Jasper and Alice, probably practicing her shield, so I couldn't figure out what they were thinking. I pushed down on the red handles and heard two distant explosions. I ran over to the sound of the first explosion and found scrap metal. I also saw a charred De from a Debussy CD. I gathered all the pieces of my former Volvo and went to the other explosion.

I saw the fabric from the seats of my Vanquish. I put all the pieces into piles. I started swearing and then dry sobbing. I'll kill whoever did this. I ran back over to the house and asked them all who did this.

"I thought I saw Emmett driving your cars earlier today," Bella said.

"EMMETT!!" I yelled. I crashed through the door and saw my brother watching TV.

"What happened to you?" he asked. From his thoughts, I saw that he wasn't doing anything to try and block me out, so what could've-

"ALICE!" I yelled. I went to the driveway and saw them all gone, with a check that covered what the insurance on our cars couldn't. There was also a note the said:

Dear Pianist Ignoramus,

HAHA! There's something else I wanted to say, what was it? Oh right. It's on bitch.

Your loving sister,

Alice


	3. Destruction equals fun

_Sorry for not updating, school's a bitch. So here's Annoying the Crap out of Edward chap 3_

_*insert hate for disclaimers here*_

_Chapter three: When Bella is not needed for the prank_

APOV

Dammit! I need an idea for annoying Edward! It's been three freakin' months! Then it hit me.

"Jasper! Come here!" I called.

BPOV

I wonder where Alice is. I was hoping she could give Renesmee's hair a trim. I walked down the stairs and saw Edward's piano in splinters.

"ALICE!" I screamed. She was by my side in less than a second.

"Yes, Bella?" she asked

"How did this happen?"

"Well, first, you and Jasper helped me blow up Edward's cars."

"Do you have an affinity for bombs or something?"

"If by 'bombs' you mean 'sex' then yes, I do."

"…huh?"

"Jasper and I had sex on the piano."

"…"

"What?" Alice said as I walked away in a state of shock.

EPOV

I walked into the house after hunting. Then I saw my piano in splinters. My mind immediately flashed back to when Alice blew up, I mean tricked me to blow up my cars.

"Alice, can you come down here for a moment?" She came down translating every volume from _Tales from One Thousand and One Nights _from French to Japanese in her head.

"Yes, brother dearest?" she innocently asked,

"How did this happen?"

"Well, first, Jasper, Bella, and I tricked you into blowing up your cars."

"Let me rephrase: How did my piano get into splinters?"

"Sex."

"…huh?"

"Sex."

"…" I started to think of multiple ways to obliterate her.

"The check for a new piano is next to all your prop sticks **(A/N Prop sticks are the sticks to raise the top of a piano.)**."

"Which are where?"

"Divided amongst your many fangirls at their respective colleges."

"Okay. Thank you for the information, shorty." I said before I ran away.

"GET BACK HERE OR I'LL… I'll… I really need to plan pranks in advance."

_Short, I know. Heh heh, short. Ah well, Alice learned something. If you want to prank someone, be careful of retaliation(yeah I know a lot of big words.) and plan pranks out in advance. Sorry for not updating. Again I say that school's a bitch._


End file.
